How Do I Feel Today

I moan for yesterday. I miss the taste of sweet strawberries in my lips, the smell of nature and the long, brown, beautiful ropes of love.

I miss the love that I once had and have a love which I hate. I guess that somehow love hates love... Funny.

Love is the point of every man's quest and within lies the reward: Happiness. A person incapable to love anyone but himself can never be happy. A person that doesn't want to love no one else, restricts himself to be happy. A person that loves has the possibility to be happy, but nothing assures that he is.

My love was my happiness, my heart was my smile, but now everything ended. An early message ruined my mind, destroyed my wonderful wall, clouded my bright day and dry out a sea of tears.

What's worth of a learning without a second chance? When your mind is playing tricks at you, when it remind you scenes that you don't want to remember, when it makes you smell everything reminding you the same sweet fragrance that she uses... It's better to shut it up with a bullet.

My future holds nothing more that tears, blood, loneliness and regret... Learning to live inside a Demon's shadow, holding the pain, enduring myself. Resist the cold of my empty chest and living a pitiful life based on a curse.

All hope is lost. She won't come back. I'm alone now. Why does pain feels so bad? Why is everybody trying to help me when I'm supposed to be the one that helps them? Why do I need so much help?!

I can move on, I can stop suffering but I'm not sure if I want to. Maybe I am a sadistic person, maybe I'm sick, maybe I deserve this... Or maybe I'm just an idiot.

I'm tired of being sad, I don't want to cry any more, I'm sick of not having a hope. Not even God can help me now. You mortals can give me all the help you want, I won't change. If she can't be mine I'll feel better dead.

My mind is lost, it doesn't belong to me any more. It's not in my head, I feel it somewhere else. This is not me, this is not how I am, can someone please tell me the truth? Am I in love of a ghost?